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The 4-4-2 of Indie Rock: DiS's musical XI

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by Gareth Dobson

With the nation’s – nay, the world’s – greatest football cup competition nearing its final stages, and with many a DiS-supported team still in the running to lift the FA Cup this May at Wembley, DiS’s Gareth Dobson picks his 4-4-2 of indie-rock.

As we all know, football and music is closely entwined. And no, I'm not simply talking about Oasis' pronounced love for Manchester City, the Lightning Seeds being the spiritual soundtrack for all great goals scored in a quick-fire montage, and nor am I ruminating on New Order giving us the best football song of all time (that's ‘World in Motion’, obviously).

No, I’m talking about how footballers and musicians are interchangeable. In fact, just to prove this theory, I'm going to give you my all-time dream football starting XI. In indie-rock terms.

Without further ado (and, of course, in the classic 4-4-2 formation), here's the eleven who would win any theoretical musical football world cup.

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Goal Keeper: Bobby Gillespie Primal Scream
Eccentric custodian of Team Indie-Rock’s goal. Presence and command of his area, this player frequently pulls off breath-taking stops, yet is prone to the occasional clanger.





Right Back: Ben Gibbard Death Cab For Cutie/Postal Service
Hard working yet undervalued member of the side. Whilst lacking any real magic, this player's comfortably held onto his position for a number of years, whilst amassing an impressive amount of international honours. Others, however, are still not convinced of his pedigree.




Centre Back: Dave Grohl Foo Fighters/Nirvana
Steady as a rock, this stalwart of many seasons has proven himself to be one of the most reliable performers over the past 15 years. Unlikely to wow punters with any on-the-ball magic, but rarely puts a foot wrong. Strong in the tackle and with enough stamina to boot, and effective up front as well as at the back.




Center Back: Paul Weller The Jam/Style Council
A veteran of many years, this man begins each season desperate to prove that time has not allayed his qualities. A strong presence on and off the pitch, he's loved by the older generation. However, younger fans fail to see his qualities and are tired of hearing about him in his pomp.




Left Back: Andy Bell Oasis/Ride/Hurricane No.1
The problem position in the team sees Bell shoehorned into a role which he's not known for. Whilst comfortable on a day-to-day basis, struggles against top class opposition. Hankers for a switch to his favourite spot, but kept out by superior players. Happy to play a role in the meantime.




Right Midfield: Carl Barat Libertines/Dirty Pretty Things
Solid midfield man struggling to make the grade following a blistering start to his career. Assumed he would mature into a good all-round player, yet the suspicion remains that he was carried by others around him whilst coming through the ranks. Lucky to still be playing top-class football.




Holding Midfielder: Norman Cook Fatboy Slim/House Martins
Not particularly fancy, yet solid and dependable, dictating the rhythm of play and always there to link the defence and the midfield. Covers well and puts in the sort of shift that the fans love. A fan favourite, if not a club legend.




Playmaker: Jonny Greenwood Radiohead
Unorthodox yet visionary string puller adept at seeing the space that no-one else could possibly spot. Worshipped by the crowd and seen as the true king of the park.





Left Winger: Serge Pizzorno Kasabian
Undoubtedly talented, and with enough flair to woo any crowd, this lithe enigma is burdened with enough ego and selfish self belief to wow or frustrate for 90 minutes. Something of a terrace icon - the local boy made good.




Second Striker: Morrissey Smiths
Spry, slight and touched with a turn of skill to evade any close marking, this virtuoso fan favourite is worshipped by his fans. Others however, doubt his ability to last the full stretch. Moments of magic marred by some spectacular misses. Seasoned watchers however, still mourn the end of the forward partnership that marked his early rise to stardom.




Centre Forward: Alex Turner Arctic Monkeys
No-nonsense forward whose every touch currently turns to goals; a young prodigy who started off with a phenomenal strike rate. However, experts and critics now wonder if the young man has peaked too early; others believe the best is yet to come and he'll be topping the scoring charts for years yet.



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DiScuss: Go on then, football-fancying music-lovers, pick us some substitutes…



...

wow, ben gibbard IS Steve Finnan.


.

This might be the worst article I've ever read. And I heart football a lot. Its like Q meet Zoo.


*

Meets


This is fairly pointless

Not badly written...


Why oh why

does everything need to have a point?

I quite enjoyed it, it was better than working for the last five minutes, and I'd like to nominate Zak de la Rocha for a spot on the subs bench. Powerful veteran Mexican striker, recently ostracised from table-topping team due to internal strife, replaced by a high-class forward who inexpicably flopped, but now returning to his former team-mates, to the delight of the fans.

This means that Chris Cornell = Andriy Shevchenko.


.

You're right, everything does not need a point. That doesn't mean that this isn't embarrassingly bad though.

Basically: why bother?


features provoke discussion

Discussion is good. Ideally not about the point of said feature, but hey - you're on the site and getting worked up about something, at least.

Me? I thought it was fun. A nice, light-hearted piece of Monday lunchtime reading.

Hence my women's team, which I reckon would give the men's a run for its money. So much flair going forward!


.

Ok. I'll stop being grumpy now.

However, more importantly: Janis Joplin = Mickey Quinn??


oh gareth

you should've just reviewed another indie band.


Or maybe done

one of your 'Shit band' vs 'Other shit band' articles?


the vines qualify!


Someone should do a women's team

In fact, I might if I get time later...


Ok, I made time

GK - Regine Chassagne
RB - Tracyanne Campbell
CB - Joni Mitchell
CB - Patti Smith
LB - Kate Jackson
RW - Neko Case
DM - Joanna Newsom
AM - Regina Spektor
LW - Kim Gordon
FC - Joan Baez
SC - Janis Joplin


Joanna Newsom?

In the Roy Keane role? Are you insane?

She's clearly more of the Riquelme type: pretty touch, very self-involved, an acquired taste, utter genius.

I'd drop Regina Spektor (who'd make a good impact sub), move Joanna forward to AM, and pop Courtney Love in at DM. Every team needs a midfield psychopath.


I am shocked and appalled

to see Brian May left out.


nah

he'd be the Ron Atkinson style manager-at-large.


Paul Gascoigne...

was a musician


haha!

fairly amusing read, nice!


lol

*marred*


The main story picture

is incredible! Can we see it more often on DiS please? :)


^

5


SCREW YOU

I'm a Hammers fan


What's that got to do with

us beating Tottenham?


good stuff, but...

...I'd like to see Jason Pierce in the Le Tissier / Hoddle position. Prone to being muscled off the ball but posesses the touch of a midwife. And rarely leaves the centre circle.


...

Lazy.


Someone should

make this team in pro evolution soccer.


If only there were a way

This is pretty funny as jokey articles come, but it would be nice to have a method of pitching these teams of musical legends against one another. Sort of celebrity death match but without the annoying bimbos.


Im not so sure about your team...

...its hard to pick a football team from musicians imagine the expense of all the hairbands and alice bands for a start.

GK - Wayne Coyne (as long as he wears his big 'on stage' hands)

DL - Paul McCartney (lef handed so Im making the presumption he would be left footed too)

DR - Pete Townsend (any young players wont go near him)

DC - Kris Novoselic (tall)

DC - Danny Carey (tool)

HoldingMid - Henry Rollins (he wears shorts like a classic 80's hardman - imagine his tackle(s))

Left Mid - Jim Hendrix (outstanding flair and pace)

Right Mid - Mark E Smith (his style of play is slightly confusing, he'd probably attempt to run back to his own goal before rounding all 11 players of the other team but the end product is magic)

Creative Mid - Richard D. James (acid has opened the doors of his on field vision so much so he'd be making passes that would set goals up in next round)

FC - Kurt Cobain (sorry about this one - but Kurt is fantastic at shooting)

FC - Jon Wood (4 or 5 Magicians) (he's got more tricks then a box of monkeys and is great at aggrovating 8 year olds at the park)


johnny borrell-

left center bench?


enjoyable fluff.

don't overdo these kinds of articles, though.


I accidentally wrote Life Of Riley today

That was a low point.


Whoever is responsible

for the picture of the 87 Coventry City FA Cup winning squad at the top is a scholar and a gent. Well done.


Very well done....

...please take it away now, it's giving me nightmares.

Chris Cornell IS Shevchenko, indeed


fucking

quality


WHAT?

Where the hell am I?





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