whack it with something?

and hire someone to clean up the mess.

And put some Barry White on. Following your night of passion, thousand of years down the line, the two species - human and pigeon - will have forgotten their petty differences.

grab it and let it go outside.

I know it will be scary and all that but it wont hurt you.

and roast it

Pigeon's are such comical animals...

"cooo i is inside a house cooooo"

a giant version of trapping a spider, though I've no idea if it would work.

Get a big cardboard box/plastic storage crate, place it over the bird, slide some kind of flat surface underneath, carry it outside, release the pigeon?

Or is it flapping around too much?

This is the third time this has happened. I can just about deal with the myriad spiders and moths in this flat but up with this I will not put!

trap it with a saucepan or a bucket or something, like you'd trap a spider with a glass? Pigeons seem quite thick, it might work.

it will get scared and fly out

... have you checked to make sure it hasn't brought you a message?

Oh and leave some food on the window sill outside of the window too.

go outside and do your best pigion coo! make sure you sound like the sexyest male/female pigion you can to make it perk up and come outside...

You might have to sex the pigion first...

that pigeons turn into squirrels when they reach the age of 4 years anyway, perhaps just live it out for a maximum of 4 years,and when it come out of his/her cocoon you will have a free furry friend (FFF or F-Cubed, depending on nationality)...which you can feel 100% happy about. Yes?

The ridiculouslness of the situation is that I won't eat for all day tomorrow because I'll be too scared to go into the kitchen until my flatmate comes home from glastonbury and deals with the situation. Man is that gonna be one hell of a comedown.

"First, and most importantly, is that you have to be high (yes, like on drugs. Remember, I said Booger was quite a colorful man). Next, you sprinkle crushed chips or animal crackers around your feet. Be sure to save some for yourself for later. Lastly, stand really, really still, and, when the bird isn't looking, you grab him. According to Booger, it works every time."

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/127077/a_professionals_guide_to_catching_pigeons.html

out the window.Just throw bits of balled up bread from the door to the window,or whatever.
Also,rice makes birds stomachs explode...

They have big nets for catching things.
Unless of course you have a big net handy?

Put the sound of your computer loud enough
Click on that link :
http://www.myspace.com/thepigeondetectives
Pigeon should fly away fast.

No need to thank me.

it may require a bit of patience but you don't seem capable of doing anything else. *safety wink*